Fido (With full movie link here)

What would you say if I told you that a time will come when you can buy a zombie! You can keep him/her in your home with your family and your little ones and make the zombie the servant/slave who does everything you want. No more paying through the nose to get your house cleaned and other daily chores. Everything done by your own zombie butler/servant/slave! 

Whatsmore, it won't eat you in return too! Now how's that for an idea. 

After watching this I wish this zombie world was true. Sigh. Well that's what Fido is all about. It's also about emotional bonding between the domesticated zombie (Fido) and his masters, specially the kid who loves Fido more than just a pet.

This film is set in an alternate, maybe even a better world where an innovative company called Zomcon provides zombie collars along with remote controls that can be used to control your own zombie, thus rendering them useful as household workers. Rest and Relax, your zombie will do everything for you. 

This is an entirely unseen world, and quite frankly an amazing set-up. The movie is emotional, funny and very different from any other film I've seen. There are no parallels to this one. 

And yesterday I saw the grossly overrated and quite boring Train To Busan and I almost fell asleep at the sheer stupidity of the movie and the emotional manipulation that the Korean movie has managed to accomplish. It's setting was interesting, a zombie outbreak across the land while some people are trapped on a running train. But then the story was so full of cliches and typical characters that it became an irritating film for me. 

Now compare the writing of Train To Busan with this unknown zombie flick and you will see how different they are in terms of idea, execution, twists and turns and novelty. 

So here's my verdict, if you liked Train To Busan then watch this one. It's way, way better. In comparison to other zombie films it's way, way out there, It's the next level of writing. Quite like another zombie romance film Warm Bodies. 

Fido and Warm Bodies are the next level of zombie entertainment. They push the writing further, are more imaginative, more fantastic, yet more believable and emotional. Wicked, Witty, Wild, Wacky, Wonderful and Wabulous!   

Unfortunately, it's big budget rehashes like Train To Busan that rake in the moolah. Quite frankly I too wish I had a zombie of my own to do all this tedious writing for me, or atleast be able to proof read what I write, because proof reading is the worst part of writing, and I'm sure any zombie could do it with a bit of training (if one were to watch me proof reading, I do resemble a zombie, grunts, groans, gnashes, drool, glazed eyes, stiff body!). But it's movies like Fido that make me come alive again, become half resembling a human being and make me continue to write and more importantly proof read. 

Fido




Fido - the full movie

Bait

 This one is about sharks in a mall. Yes, you read it right. Sharks in a mall! 

No, they are not in some large aquarium, in fact they are swimming around the entire length and breadth of the mall like any normal shopper. Just hanging around, not really buying anything, like you and I like to do. 

Now, you might just laugh at me and this movie and say that there is no way on hell or earth that sharks can swim around in a large mall and eat up humans like snacks without even heading to the mall's food court, or paying through their noses for the refreshments.

Well, that's what I felt when I saw what this movie was about. But trust me, there's a very logical reason why the sharks are having a picnic in the mall. 

You see, there's been a tsunami and the sea water has entered the mainland and this mall is right next to the sea and hence most of the mall is underwater and therefore the sharks have as much as right to be there as you and me.

Like the film Snakes On A Plane where you know that there are snakes slithering away in a plane, here we have sharks terrorising the shoppers in a mall. 

The story is quite simple - a group of shoppers are caught in a mall during the tsunami. They climb the high shelves and as the water level rises they realise that that there are sharks in the water around them, and they don't have too much time till the water reaches them and they become sharks attack and they become shark snack. 

Like in a film of this kind, there are an assortment of characters - the good heroic ones, the ones in distress, the bad, evil guys, the horny youngsters, the old, the young, the macho and the stupid... 

This may not seem like a high quality film but it's quite entertaining actually. Because of the super one line concept - sharks in a mall!

I hope they come up with a sequel where they have sharks in the parliament (any country's parliament will do). Well, there actually are sharks in the parliament, but those are human sharks, I wish to see them get trapped and hunted by the sea sharks who like to chomp on a human or two. Now that would be some movie. 

Anyway, this is not a movie that will make you a better, wiser, more mature human being. But it may certainly may make you an entertained one. I recommend watching this. Good fun.   

Bait

The full movie on youtube (with lots of Russian translation, I think)

Barefoot

This is romantic movie about a rich, spoilt, directionless man and a woman who is a patient in a psychiatric hospital and has been raised in isolation. And yes she remains barefoot, symbolic of her being naive, innocent, bare, untouched by corruption, greed, hatred, betrayal. In a way, it is a film about two opposites who come together to make magic. Well, if not magic, they do at least cast a pleasant spell on the world-hardened, stone-hearted audience like your's truly. This did come as a pleasant experience especially
because of the novel characters. Here the characters are the movie. Nothing else matters as much.     

The protagonist here is a down on his luck debt ridden guy (yes, he's got rich parents and owes a lot of money to the wrong kind of people). He works as a janitor in a loony bin where he supplies the patients with porn, booze etc. to make some additional income. One night, he saves the barefoot girl from being raped and she follows him outside as she doesn't want to stay in the hospital. She has been brought up in isolation and doesn't know the ways of the world and to her he is a nice man. 

So the protagonist comes up with a plan and takes her with him to his brother's wedding. He plans to convince his family that he is now a changed man and is going steady in life. At the wedding, the barefoot woman manages to charm everyone with her bare innocence and everyone starts to like her. The End.

Well, not exactly, the end, for it's here that the movie really begins. 

This is a sweet, romantic charmer of a story with extremely likeable lead characters and it's because these characters are so different that the film itself becomes better than the others. It rises beyond the average and turns into a memorable experience. 

It's also a light, fluffy comedy in parts, like a light pastry, quite enjoyable. It's a remake of a German film Barfuss. 

Barefoot

¡Three Amigos!

The Three Musketeers are brave, heroic, daring, dashing. They are excellent fighters and are the protectors of the weak and the vanquishers of evil.

Well, The Three Amigos are exactly the opposite in every sense, other than the fact that they look just as good. 

And this story is about The Three Amigos mistaken to be The Three Musketeers! 

This is basically a spoof, a parody of the the old wild, wild west action films. It's about mistaken identities and about funny gunfights and scary bandits and stupid heroes and deserts and costumes and horses. And yes, there's a singing bush in it too. 

Chevy Chase, Martin Short, and Steve Martin play The Three Amigos and they are more than three times the fun and three times stupid! This is a really silly gag filled movie about three moronic actors playing three on screen heroes called The Three Amigos who are forced by circumstances to play The Three Amigos in real life as well.  

The plot - The Three Amigos are three singing and dancing heroes from the silent film era who suddenly find themselves chucked out of their jobs, and out of the studio gates as well. They are wondering what to do next, as they are incapable of doing anything else or thinking much about it as well, when they receive a telegram from somewhere in Mexico. They have suddenly, found employment! What a stroke of luck they think as they head out to the village imagining earning a fortune just to put up a show in a village. So in their full costumed glory they head to the village as the The Three Amigos little knowing that they have been mistaken to be real life heroes and they aren't expected to just put a song and dance show, but to actually fight an evil villain and protect the village from real life bandits. 

This is a movie with funny one liners in funny skits strung together in a funny plot acted out by three really funny men. 

Three Amigos

The Full Film On Youtube

Joe Dirt

Joe Dirt is a janitor in a radio station, he has a weird hairdo, he wears weird clothes, and has the weirdest backstory ever. He is a total nut job. And weirdly funny yet likeable. 

An RJ spots him, working in the radio station, finds him hilarious and puts him on air to make fun of him and get some life in this show. But Joe isn't the kind of guy who minds being made fun of. In fact, he's someone who doesn't probably even know what's meant to be an insult and what's not. He's cool with whatever happens and doesn't take life too seriously. He generates his own happiness, doesn't need happiness or complements from others to feel good about himself. He creates fun, excitement, satisfaction, mirth out of thin air. Where others would have been down and out, depressed, lonely, sad, suicidal, he chugs along like an unstoppable fun machine. Reminds one of Don Quixote, doesn't he? What a guy this Joe Dirt is! 

So, back to the story, Joe Dirt comes live on the radio and makes the listeners and the show come alive! With thousands of people listening to him, the RJ makes a fool of him, insulting him, ridiculing him, but Joe being Joe isn't embarrassed at all. He doesn't mind anything and starts to talk about his own life telling it as it happened. It's stupid, sad, dirty and downright funny. Joe enjoys talking about himself and people start to enjoy listening to him. Slowly people who were laughing at him begin to laugh with him. There is loss and defeat and ridicule and embarrassment and yet, there is life and there is mirth. It's quite inspiring if you look at it. People are hooked, they are entertained, they laugh, they  cry and Joe Dirt becomes a sensation of sorts (reminds me of Karl Pilkington).

The basic backstory is that Joe Dirt is looking for his parents whom he lost in Grand Canyon, and he is travelling through his life looking for them. 

And his search takes him from one hilarious adventure to another. 

This is basically a road film, where one will find short stories with a beginning, middle and end all combining to make a much larger story. Each story has something special, and is quite unexpected. The one with Christopher Walken reminds me of A History Of Violence. 

So as these smaller stories unfold and connect with the bigger story, people start to cheer for the poor loser, and he becomes a hero of sorts. 

This is funny, entertaining and fast paced. David Spade is incomparable as Joe Dirt. No one could have done this better.

Joe Dirt

Without A Clue

Remember Remington Steele? It's about a woman who becomes a detective and is quite good at her job, but unfortunately nobody takes her seriously even if she delivers results. Because she is a woman, and so can't be good, can she? So she comes up with an idea and creates a fictional character called Remington Steele, and names her investigation agency after this fictitious Remington Steele character. But the thing is everyone wants this fictional Remington Steele character to take their case, they want to see him with their own eyes. So she appoints a thief and a charming guy as Remington Steele, and he fits perfectly into the role. And her business soars with Remington Steele walking away with all the credit, as the woman detective does most of the hard work.

Something quite similar happens here as well. This is a very different take on the legend of Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. 

The story here is that John Watson is the actual detective, he is a person who solves those befuddling cases and Sherlock Holmes is the fake detective character that John Watson has created for the world. John Watson here is just a writer, like the original, but he is the creator and the boss of Sherlock Holmes who is supposed to be a puppet in his hands.

So for all those who are fans of Sherlock Holmes, this is a fantastic take on the story. It is hilarious to see a drunk, silly, vain, brainless Sherlock Holmes fooling the Scotland Yard and the media with his absurd ramblings silly antics, while John Watson does the actual investigations secretly and away from the spotlight.

This is a character led comic drama. The story here frankly takes a backseat to the shenanigans of the two lead characters who are superb. Two legendary actors cast as two legendary characters. Ben Kingsley as John Watson, and Michael Caine as a drunk, stupid, bumbling Sherlock Holmes. The two actors pull of their roles with absolute perfection. They keep on fighting with each other and getting on each other's nerves. Watson specially wants to get rid of Sherlock Holmes, but it isn't as easy as he thought. The first half is mainly the two men mainly at each other's throats, but then they come together to stop Prof. Moriarty who has hatched a devilish plot to destabilise Britain using fake currency. 

This is filled with absurd situations, funny dialogue, visual gags, loony characters. It has a good script but brilliant portrayals by the two lead characters. The result is worth a watch, and luckily the entire film is on youtube. Check out the link below... Enjoy.

Without A Clue

The Full Movie

Joe Somebody

I'm sure we must have all been bullied by someone or the other at one time or another in our lives. Aliens and ghosts may not be real, but bullies certainly are! Bullies don't necessarily have to be big and strong. They can be superiors or bosses at work, they can be those who hold powerful positions, they can even be small, delicate women. In short, anyone can be a bully as long as that person has some power over a weaker another. 

Joe Somebody is a film about an average Joe who stands up against a bully. He is just your average Joe, nothing special about him, nothing that stands out and screams look at me, I'm important. Even his actions are purely ordinary, he's a good father, a good husband, a good colleague, a good boss, what he's certainly not good at is being a tough guy... and this film is all about him becoming one and standing up for himself against the one who's powerful and mean enough to ridicule and humiliate him.

Here's the brief synopsis - Joe Scheffer (Tim Allen) is punched and humiliated by the office bully Mark in front of his

daughter and this forces Joe to seek revenge and redemption. He challenges the bully to a rematch and meanwhile decides to become tough by taking martial arts lessons. As news spreads of skirmish with the bully, Joe suddenly finds himself becoming a hero of sorts and gaining a promotion and growing in popularity. Now as the world looks up at him he's determined to show everyone that he's somebody and not a nobody. This is a good family movie, a light-hearted comedy, about a meek, submissive man, there's a strong cast here including Jim Belushi as the martial art's instructor and an out-of-work action star.

The climax is one with a serious message, may not be what one hopes for, still this is worth a watch for its unique story.

It was a flop when it was released, but it's not so in my book. 

Joe Somebody

Stolen Hearts - Synopsis of a novel written by Rohit Gahlowt

Stolen Hearts

By Rohit Gahlowt

Retired Colonel Shamsher Singh’s only daughter Sonia is about to get married to a rich playboy and a Casanova who is known as the bad boy of town. Drugs, drunken driving, affairs, he has had his share of it all.

The Colonel is desperate to stop the marriage and his friend-cum-Secretary suggests something called Stockholm syndrome where a hostage befriends the nice kidnapper.

The Colonel is shocked and initially refuses but then he does a bit of research to find out that Stockholm syndrome is the real deal. If he gets his daughter kidnapped by the boy he has chosen for her to marry and then sends them off to his cottage in the Himalayas then she might start to like her abductor and maybe even cool down about her fiancé!

Two young souls, in the beautiful environs of the mountains, alone in a secluded cottage. The man, a perfect gentleman. And the girl suffering from infatuation with the biggest idiot in the world. Soon she will surely realize the folly of her ways and will not be able to resist the charms of the man who has abducted her. And moreover, the kidnapping will be a fake one. So no one but the daughter will know she has been ‘kidnapped’! If anyone asks he will tell them that she has gone on a vacation somewhere!

The Colonel finally agrees and the operation is given a title - Stolen Hearts! The Colonel is sure, even if his daughter does not fall in love with her kidnapper, she will atleast be kept away from her crazy fiancé’s spell which messes up her thinking.

So Aryan, who is the Colonel's Godson is contacted. Aryan works for the Colonel in his company called the TraWell group (life is a journey, travel well!). He is a boot camp Instructor and is trained in disciplining wayward youngsters. Once he is explained everything he too agrees to ‘fake’ kidnap Sonia as he is indebted to Colonel and will do anything for him. Also, Sonia and Aryan are childhood friends so she may not be as scared of him because she knew him well once. After all, it is a fake kidnapping, how bad can get!

But as Aryan is carrying out this fake kidnapping someone witnesses it and mistakes it for real. Soon cops arrive at the shocked Colonel’s place and set up their tracking equipment to wait for the kidnapper’s call. The government goes a step head and announces a reward for the saviour of the kidnapped girl and all hell breaks loose as a countrywide manhunt begins. The goons of the city also jump in wanting to re-kidnap the girl and get her ransom for themselves.

Meanwhile Aryan and the kidnapped Sonia make their way to the beautiful hills in the Himalayas little knowing that the world knows about the kidnapping. As hordes of saviours, cops and goons hunt the couple, the fake kidnapper Aryan slowly starts to become Sonia’s protector and the couple start to fall in love.

Stolen hearts is a fun, romantic, chaotic, madcap story with tons of chaos, tons of characters and tons of confusion.

Safety Not Guaranteed

I am sure we've all seen crazy ads in the paper. Ads promising the fulfilling of all wishes - money, hair growth, becoming taller, handsomer, smarter, more confidence, etc.
All of them are mostly crazy, fake ads that play on people's insecurities to make a quick buck.

But imagine seeing an ad, that seems really serious asking for companions to join a time travel journey. And in this ad is this catchy line - Safety Not Guaranteed during this expedition!

Won't this ad grab your attention? Won't you start thinking about who this loony guy is? What's wrong with his brain? Shouldn't he be in some mental institution instead of roaming amongst us giving such stupid ads. Such an ad would certainly make people curious.

This movie starts with such an ad seeking a companion for a time travel journey. This ad is spotted by some bored magazine writers who want to do a story about this loony guy. And they form or team and head over to meet this guy, one of them, a woman, pretending to be the perfect companion for this time travel journey.

The intention is obviously to expose this fake guy and have a bit of fun at his expense.

But as the woman goes undercover and contacts the time

travel guy she starts to believe that the Time Traveler may not be as loony as the world thinks, there may be some substance to his claim. There may be a real fire behind all the smoke.

And what makes this stand out it that the film isn't about the time travel bit (like many other time travel movies). Instead, it's about whether the guy is lying about having a time travel machine, or has he really managed to do something that no one else has ever done other than in books, comics and movies, or is he just a mad man who thinks he has a time travel machine. It's not about time travel but more about the time traveller.

This is a very different film, right from the concept, to the characters to the execution, and to the fantastic climax. This one cooks slowly, yet is highly gripping. The story is actually secondary here, it takes a back seat to the highly interesting characters, especially the Time Traveler and his relationship with the fake time travel companion.

In such a film there are only two options - either the Time Traveler is genuine, or he's a fake. And audience start off being sure that the Time Traveller is fake, but along with the lead character we do start to doubt ourselves. Is he a fake? Or isn't? Or is he just a sincere guy who really thinks he can travel in time?

Inspite of the foregone conclusion, the ending is really something good, and does manage to surprise.

This is humorous, unexpected, romantic and a bit of a thriller as well. This, in my humble opinion, is a must watch. I can safely say - Entertainment is guaranteed.

Safety Not Guaranteed

Sex Drive

The title is a bit misleading. Sex Drive is a pun. It is a tiny bit about the sex drive of youngsters, but it's more about a drive that these youngsters with sex drive take to get some sex, and the loony adventures that happen on the way. 

People who are looking for some raunchy sex, well, move along folks, this isn't for you (although their is nudity and sex in this one).

In short, it is a road movie about a group of youngsters who eventually come of age after the journey of their lives. Remember SuperBad? 

This sex drive is quirky, outrageous, over the top, with ridiculous situations in which crazy characters are thrown and the overall result is absurd and hilarious. It's also a bit about emotions, friendship and romance, if you like that sort of thing.

The plot? This is broadly it - a goofy, virgin  meets a girl on the net with whom he pretends to be a stud, exaggerates his physical qualities a lot and impressing her pants off. So she invites him to drive to her town that's some distance away to have sex with her, 

The virgin plans with his best friend and takes him alone. For the ride, he steals his older bully brother's beloved car and travels out of town to get some tail.

But soon, like many other road movies, they have trouble with their car and they meet an Amish guy and things start to happen thick and fast. 

Remember Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, Road Trip, Euro Trip? Well this is somewhat like those, It too has many funny guys making brief cameos as crazy characters leading to sheer absurdity. 

If you are in the mood for some light hearted brainless fun, go for this Sex Drive.  

Sex Drive